5 ways to make your child's play space functional

Hello 2019! It's a new year, which is a great excuse to clean house and start off feeling fresh & organized. Every 4-6 months I purge my toy room to clean out all the shit that accumulates over time.

You know what I’m talking about…. those miss-matched pieces in toy sets, missing puzzle pieces, markers without lids, broken toys, dead batteries, ripped books, food crumbs in random corners, and the list goes on....

A few questions for you…

1. Do you feel like your kid's toys are taking over your home?

2. Do you constantly feel like you are forever cleaning up your child's toys?

3. Are you ready to walk from room to room without stepping on toys?

4. Are you ready to create a space that feels clutter free & functional for your child?

so how similar are we? I scored 4/4 here. You?

Play holds a very important role in a child’s growth & development. Children primarily learn through play in the early years. Play is a brilliant process that deserves attention and a ton of nurturing. I designated a room in my house for a structured play space so I can have a bit of control to help my children expand their imaginations, develop their creativity, and foster their social communication skills. In order for all of this to happen, it's my job to make sure this sacred environment is set up for success. It's my job to be proactive and provide them with structure so they can really dive in. Here are my top 5 strategies for setting up a successful & functional play space.

1. LESS IS MORE. We want our children to develop their imagination so… we have to give kids the opportunity to get creative with their toys and use them in different ways. If they have an abundance of toys you are likely to see them play with 1 toy for a few minutes, chuck it across the room and move onto the next. That will be put on repeat until it’s time wash up for dinner. If you have an abundance of toys, you can rotate them monthly and put some away in storage. It's amazing how a kid reacts when you stash a toy away for a bit then pull it out a month or two later. It's like gold. I also tend to do this around birthdays and holidays when they receive an overload of gifts. I put a bunch of them away and pull them out systematically when I feel they are ready for something new. The bonus here is when your child has to get creative and use their imagination with limited toys, we often see that attention span & focus stretch. It’s a win-win! Here are a few options for getting rid of toys; donate used toys to families or charities in need, hand them down to family or friends with younger kids, do a toy or book swap with a friend, or donate them to your child’s school.

2.  FIND A HOME. Every toy, book, costume, crayon, & stuffed animal needs a home. Every item in the play space should have a designated spot where it goes when not in use. If the item is homeless get rid of it! (remember- less is more). This builds predictability for kids so they know where to find things when they need them and it also gives them a concrete spot to put things away when it comes time to tidy up. This allows you to teach your child how to “clean up” in a very structured way” I label all the toy bins and drawers in our playroom so both adults and kids know exactly where everything belongs. None of us have an excuse. There’s no doubt that some toys end up in their friends houses for an extended period of time, but at least when I do my 4-6 month purge, I can easily just drop it where it belongs.

3. GET HIGH! Not every single item needs to be at your child’s disposal. Put things out of reach. Use the height of your space. I like to use shelving that is out of my kids' reach so I have a spot to put toys that require adult supervision. For example, board games with little tiny pieces that I don't want going missing or ending up in my dog’s mouth- this pup eats EVERYTHING! I learned my lesson with Perler beads!!! I left the bucket of them on my kid’s A&C table and came in the room to find them allllllll over the place. They now reside in a lovely home on the highest possible shelf in my playroom. A great hack for this is to take an ikea unit (you know the one with the bins) and mount it high up on the wall out of your child’s reach

4. BAG IT.  ZIpper-ed bags are my best friend! I love the mesh zip up bags from the good old dollar store. Bags that zip are amazing for toys with multiple pieces, such as puzzles. I hate when pieces go missing or end up in the bottom of a toy bin in another room of the house. It’s so important to keep sets together. What’s great about having things in bags is when we are heading out for a long drive or to a restaurant- I can easily grab one of the bags from our toys room and bring it along with us. I use zip bags from arts & crafts, puzzles, figurine sets (we’re all about super heros these days), & stickers

4. DEPOSITS. Deposit bins are key to maintaining an organized space. There are often times when toys make their way out of the playroom and into tiny spaces and crevices around the house. To help manage that mess, I've put "miscellaneous toy bins" in common spaces around the house so we can deposit the toys in them until I have time to put them away in their proper places in the playroom. This helps me get toys off the floor at the end of a long day without having to expend whatever brain power I have left. 

So… if you are wondering where the hell to start, my suggestion is to get 2 big bags. 1 bag for toys you want to donate of or store out of sight and the other bag is for garbage. Don’t feel bad about throwing out broken toys or toys with partial pieces. Your child won’t care and probably won’t even realize. If for some reason they have some deep attachment to items you want to get rid of then let them hold on to it, until they are on to the next best thing. It’s probably best to tackle this when they aren’t around so you don’t have any interception :)

Let me know how it goes.

You’ve got this

-Cori

I’ve got one more thing for you to help you start off 2019 STRONG! Here’s my cheat sheet with some of my go-to strategies for getting your child to listen to you. You can start using these strategies right away! Give them a try and let me know how it goes!

No punishment here.

Is punishment effective? Is it necessary? Does it actually teach right from wrong? I'm not entirely sure about that but what I do know is that punishment creates a very uncomfortable physiological response in the child's body. With punishment comes blame, pain, and (or) shame, all which trigger the fight or flight response in children. This fight or flight response puts children in defence mode. Punishment also creates a spike in cortisol (a.k.a. the stress hormone) in the body. So are children actually learning what they did wrong or are they learning to avoid the physiological response they experienced from punishment? I would say the latter. Who the heck wants to feel shame? Who wants to experience physical or emotional pain? Not I, not you, not your child. There's a big difference between punishment and effective consequences. Punishment is a type of consequence but is very harsh, mean, condescending, and harmful. If used effectively, consequences can be more respectful, should be directly related to the behaviour, and have to be reasonable based on your child's age and stage of development. Punishment is flawed. Here's 5 reasons why...

1. Punishment encourages children to lie. Once children experience the blame, shame, and pain from punishment they will what they can to avoid it from happening again.
2. Punishment fosters resentment and anger. This is especially true for children who do not get enough 1:1 time with their parents. As well for children who don't get enough opportunities throughout their day to feel empowered.
3. Punishment doesn't allow for teaching to happen. Children go into self-defence mode when punished. This closes off any opportunity to teach them right from wrong in the moment.
4. Punishment weakens trust in the parent-child relationship. Trust is built on the foundations of love, support, encouragement, and safety. Punishment works against all of these.
5. Punishment can encourage revenge behaviours. This is especially true for children who do not get enough opportunity to feel empowered throughout the day.

Parents often "punish" their child because in the moment they have a hard time regulating their own emotions. If you feel like you are getting heightened, take a deep breath or just walk away. Remember, every waking moment is a teachable moment. Take hold of each teaching opportunity to teach your children to be the best they can be. You got this!

- Cori

Avoiding Discouragement

When we talk about children's behaviour we know that it is goal oriented. We know all behaviours happen for a reason. There's no such thing as "it happened for no reason" or "it came out of nowhere". Our responses to our child's behaviour will always do one of two things. It will either strengthen the behaviour or weaken the behaviour. If we reinforce the behaviour we will see that behaviour over and over again. If we don't reinforce the behaviour we are likely to see less and less of that behaviour. Starting in the toddler phase of development, we start to experience the ever so famous "power struggle". These power struggles are inevitable, they are exhausting, and they take a toll on our day to day routines. The struggle is REAL! As a preface to all of this, we have to understand that our own behaviour has a direct consequence on our child's behaviour. Often without even realizing it, us parents do things that discourage our child, which often leads to triggering the power struggle. Misbehaved children are often discouraged children and discouraged children love the power struggle the MOST. So... this is good new for us. Wonder why? We have the ability to monitor our own behaviour to make sure we aren't inadvertently discouraging our children in this time of growth and development. You should NEVER mock, criticize, humiliate or use sarcasm with your child. These are very obvious ways that can lead to a discouraged child. We also might do things that are a little less obvious that can cause discouragement. Here are 6 powerful ways to avoid fostering a discouraged child; Try it out! Let me know how it goes! You got this!

1. DO NOT talk about them in front of them when it comes to misbehaviour or anything negative. This just gives a reaction and attention to the negative stuff. Broadcasting this information sends them the message that their behaviour is something worth talking about. Kids love attention (positive or negative)!

2. DO NOT do things for them when they can do on their own. This sends the message that we think they are incapable and have a lack of faith in their skills. This really pisses them off!

3. DO NOT expect perfection. Manage your own expectations- Practice doesn't make perfect, it makes permanent. The more a child practices a skill the deeper in goes into their memory. Don't expect adult like behaviour from them. They are kids!!!

4. DO NOT label your child. Do don't refer to them as the "shy one", the "crazy one", the "artistic one", the "loud one". This puts them under a lens and can be very embarrassing.

5. DO NOT compare your child to another child. Not to another one of your own children or another child in the community. This again comes from a place of judgement and can really hurt a child's self-esteem. Child who feel judged will often rebel and push back harder when it comes to the power struggle.

6. DO NOT overprotect your child. This sends them the message that they can't do things on their own. That they can't think for themselves or act for themselves. This very easily invites the power struggle. Let them have an opinion, make choices, and explore cause and effect variables in the environment (within reason).

Join me in my Facebook group Behave it or NOT! for a lot more practical strategies on managing child behaviour!

- Cori

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A Meaningful Mess

I always love the feeling when I walk into my kids' playroom and it's spotless. Toys are put away in bins and drawers, random toy pieces have found their match, I can actually see the floor!! It's the best. BUT... what I love more is walking into the playroom and witnessing the process of that mess being made. This process is called playing and playing is learning. Kids have method to their madness, just like we do to ours. It's a brilliant process that deserves attention and a ton of nurturing. I use this space to help my kids expand their imagination, develop their creativity, and foster their social communication skills. In order for all of this to happen, it's my job to make sure this sacred environment is set up for success. It's my job to be proactive and provide them with structure so they can make the best mess possible. It's my job to make sure their mess is meaningful to them. Here are my top 5 strategies for setting up a successful play space.

1.  FIND A HOME. Make sure every toy, book, costume, crayon, stuffed animal has a home. Every item in the play space should have a designated spot where it goes when not in use. This builds predictability for kids so they know where to find things when they need them and it also gives them a concrete spot to put things away when it comes time to tidy up. I label all the toy bins and drawers in our playroom so both adults and kids know exactly where everything belongs.

2. GET HIGH! Put things out of reach. Use the height of your space. I like to use shelving that is out of my kids' reach so I have a spot to put toys that require adult supervision. For example, board games with little tiny pieces that I don't want going missing or ending up in my son's mouth. The kid eats EVERYTHING!

3. BAG IT. Ziploc bags are my best friend! I've recently become a little more environmentally friendly and starting using mesh zip up bags from the good old dollar store. Bags that zip are amazing for toys with multiple pieces, such as puzzles. I hate when pieces go missing or end up in the bottom of a toy bin in another room of the house. 

4. LESS IS MORE. If we are looking at developing those imaginative minds then give kids the opportunity to get creative with their toys and use them in different ways. If you have an abundance of toys, you can rotate them monthly and put some away in storage. It's amazing how a kid reacts when you stash a toy away for a bit then pull it out a month or two later. It's like gold. I also tend to do this around birthdays and holidays when they receive an overload of gifts. I put a bunch of them away and pull them out systematically when I feel they are ready for something new. 

5. DEPOSITS. Deposit bins are key to maintaining an organized space. There are often times when toys make their way out of the playroom and into tiny spaces and crevices around the house. To help manage that mess, I've put "miscellaneous toy bins" in common spaces around the house so we can deposit the toys in them until I have time to put them away in their proper places in the playroom. This helps me get toys off the floor at the end of a long day without having to expend whatever brain power I have left. 

Here's a glimpse into my kids' playroom. Some people ask why bother even cleaning it up if they are just going to jump in and make a mess again. We always have to reset the environment to provide a new canvas for them to create and learn from.

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The Kindergarten --> Grade 1 Transition

In about 5 weeks time, thousands of kids around the city are going to be making the transition from Kindergarten to Grade 1. WHOA! This is a BIG deal! The days of roaming the classroom like a free bird are over. Up there with graduating from High School, this is one of the biggest jumps in a child's academic career. Things are about to get more formal, more structured, and a lot more demanding. For some learners, this transition will be seamless. For others, it might cause a lot of fluttery butterflies in the tummy. Each learner will handle the transition on their own terms. For those extra-special learners, this transition might be extremely challenging because of all the change that is going to take place. We all know what the first-day-of-school jitters feels like.  Been there! Done that! Now magnify that x10 for a child who doesn't fare well with the unknown and needs the predictability to maintain a state of calmness.

What does one do to avoid total transition catastrophe?? How do you settle those butterflies in the tummy for all those extra special learners?? There are various factors to consider when preparing for this transition. As you gear up for the first few weeks of school consider the following 5 factors when you are in prep mode. These factors are not exclusive to the SK--> Grade 1 Transition. They can be considered by any teacher who has students who struggle with transitions.

Best of luck preparing for a seemless transition!

- Cori 

New Environment

Welcome to your Grade 1 classroom! For the most part the Grade 1 classroom is in a different room than Kindergarten was, perhaps a different hallways and even more so a different level/floor of the school. Things can look different in Grade 1. The room is set up differently, the cubbies are in different places, and there's no washroom in the classroom anymore. Boo! If you know you have an extra special learner in your classroom, consider taking pictures of the classroom for the student so the student has access to them at home. Providing a visual of the classroom will help reduce anxiety around entering the new learning environment because you will be exposing them to the classroom before they even step in it. increasing the predictability is the name of the game!

New Routines

Sample visual schedule- good for new routines and transitions

New classroom! New teacher! New routines! This includes but is not limited to; an entrance routine in the morning, an exit routine for recess and home-time, a lunch-time routine, a snack-time routine and a washroom routine (to name a few). These are all things that are taught in the first few weeks of school. This can be information overload for some learners, which can lead to some negative behaviours. Consider creating visual schedules that breaks down each routine into it's component steps. This will give the student the opportunity to learn the routines step-by-step and have something to refer to if they get stuck or confused along the way. Visual schedules are great for keeping students on track when doing a multistep task.

New Transitions

Sample visual timer

With a new classroom comes a new set of rules, guidelines and transitions. Going to back to unpredictable situations- transitions can cause those butterflies to flutter because sometimes there is an unknown at the end of the transition. This can include transitions from recess back to class, activity to activity, classroom to gymnasium, and the list goes on. Students are transitioning all day, every day between different activities, rooms, and people. To help make the daily transitions concrete for your learners, use countdowns so they know when the transitions are coming and use visual schedules so they know what they are transitioning to. Some students will benefit from a visual timer so they exactly how much time they have left with a certain activity.

Change in Structure

The learning environment is about to get a lot more structured and formal. Kindergarten supports a very play based learning environment. Kids are familiar with bins of toys to explore, an open space on the carpet used as a canvas for exploration, and learning centres set up for them to roam to and from. Grade 1 comes along and we are all of sudden sitting at desks for extended periods of time, doing a lot more paper and pencil work, and a lot less moving around the classroom. For some learners this change might feel like going from 0-10 in 30 seconds (especially when coming back to school from summer vacation). This can be a recipe for disaster. When in prep mode, you should be asking yourself how you can incorporate some K-structure into your class at the beginning of the year and slowly up the ante as time goes on. Can you incorporate a fun and cozy book nook for free reading time? Still use activity centres for certain subjects? Allow room for exploration with learning manipulatives?

Developmental Trajectory

At this point we know all kids grow and learn at their own pace. We also know that typically developing kids usually follow a similar trajectory with their growth and development. The same is not true for kids with exceptionalities. Whether they are gifted, have a learning disability, or a developmental disability, they will all present differently. This means you have to play detective from to the get go and figure out where each of your students are in their development. Once you have this under your belt-you will be able to better develop your curriculum and programs to ensure success! A lot of natural maturation takes place over the summer, so just because you know a student from the previous year, doesn't mean they are going to be starting off where they left off. Lastly, there are always those kids that go through physical growth spurts over the summer- be sure to take into consideration that outer and inner development might not happen simultaneously. Kids might come into class the first week of school looking a lot older, however still be very early in their emotional and cognitive development.

Tantrum 101

ok... so who here has been in a situation where your child or student has a full blown tantrum? to the point of no return? I have! Or the classic episode when you tell a child not to do something and they insist on doing it regardless of how many times you say NO? Which at that point you think to yourself... "Why in the world do they keep doing this if I'm telling them not to?!?!" What isn't registering???  Why doesn't NO mean NO?!?! AHHHHH!!! My favourite case of this is when my 2 year old Godson (who is now Mr. Independent) decides he no longer wants to be pushed in his stroller and wants to walk on the street curb. Dad says to him- "if you are going to walk on the curb you need to hold my hand"- well Mr. Independent translates this to "now that I'm not strapped down in my stroller I'm going to run up and down people's lawn as fast as I can while laughing my face off". Well of course, Dad gets nervous because his son's safety is at risk and has to keep repeating himself over and over to reinforce hand holding- Mr. Independent's reaction to Dad's words is; a faster run, a louder laugh, and the every 3-second glance at Dad to make sure he sees what he is doing. So how do you think this one ends? That's right.... Dad tells Mr. Independent he has to go back into his stroller- at which point we have now entered Tantrum Territory- and the. rest. is. history.

It's always a better day when you don't have to step into Tantrum Territory. Agreed?  If you are willing to think before you act you can make it happen. Hear me out.... Every negative or unwanted behaviour has a function to it (that's a fact! Science says so)- if you can figure out what the function of the behaviour is, you have a good chance at not only understanding what's going on but being able to avoid it from happening again. You might also feel more confident in dealing with a tantrum on the spot so it doesn't escalate to the point of no return. There's nothing worse than standing in line at the grocery store while your child is having a full melt down. Same hold true for when you try to get a student to transition from recess into class and they throw it down in the hallway. Ugh!

Here's some info to help you stay far away from Tantrum Territory. Here it goes... there are 4 functions that dictate all behaviours (positive and negative). These 4 functions of behaviour apply to me, you, your child, your grandmother, your uncle's cousin, and your neighbour.

I hope this helps to get you thinking before (re)acting! Good luck! 

-Cori

Attention

This is a very common function with children. They often engage in undesirable behaviour to gain someone's attention. It's important to understand that attention doesn't necessarily have to be positive attention (ie; "good job!" or "nice try"). Children love reactions, they love to be recognized-especially when they are still in the egocentric phase of their development. If you can pick up on certain cues that hint they are doing things for attention, then make sure you aren't giving them the reaction they are looking for (this doesn't necessarily mean ignore them). Mr Independent has mastered this one across the board! He kept running those freshly trimmed lawns while looking back at Dad every 3 seconds, which was followed by Dad's reaction, which eventually led to a tantrum. Dad could have avoided the tantrum had he not given Mr. Independent that reaction he was craving.

Escape/Avoidance

This is another common function of negative or unwanted behaviour. Kids will often do things to avoid or escape an undesirable situation. Mamas and Papas- you know your children best, so this is one of the easier functions to cue in to. Children will often try to escape or avoid a situation for various reasons. Here are a few;

• they've had a previous experience that was negative for them that is associated with the present context
• they are in a situation that involves skills that are too challenging for them. Kids like to feel successful.
• transitioning away from something very positive (like playing at the park) to something neutral or not-so positive (like going home for a bath), might cause a tantrum or a run in the opposite direction (I mean who actually likes leaving the park).
• if they are in a situation that is unpredictable, they might 'have a tantrum to avoid or escape the unpredictability. Unpredictable situations can cause some anxiety (every child has a their own coping mechanism- this might be one of them).

If you are under the impression you are in an escape/avoidance situation, you have to stand FIRM, follow through, and not allow your child escape or avoid the situation. If you grant them immunity, you weaken your control for the next time you find yourself in a similar situation. Kids are sponges- they learn what works and what doesn't work very quickly. Beware.

Access To Something Tangible

Kids like immediacy. It takes them time to learn how to wait for things. This is especially true for children who need a little more support with their self regulation and self control. If they ask for something, they want it NOW! If they don't get it quick enough- KABOOM! As well, depending where kids are on their developmental path- they might not yet have the cognition to understand something is not available to them at this point in time. "Sharing is caring"- right? Well try to explain that to an extremely active 3 year old. Goodluck! If your kid or student drops their gloves, kicks off the shoes, and screams at the top of their lungs-you probably shouldn't give them access to that special something. It might be a bandaid fix in the moment, it might calm them down in the moment- but guess what you just taught them?!? Screaming + kicking shoes off = access to what I want. Not so functional.

Sensory Stimulation

This is the least common function of Tantrum behaviour, but does exist, so you should be aware of it. We all live our lives by what feels good, looks good, tastes good, sounds good and smells good. The same holds true for your child, your grandmother, your uncle's cousin, and your neighbour. Kids might do weird, awkward, undesirable things because it appeals to their senses. Each of us have certain senses that are more heightened than others- I can smell certain things a mile away (some smells, not to-be-mentioned, even further than a mile). Little kids love to move- My little Mr. Independent is a very active kid who loves to be in motion. The kid probably burns more calories per minute than an Olympic athlete. Not surprisingly, he has mastered the art of jumping off the couch on to the floor to land on his cute little tush. Not so safe, right?? But so much fun because of what his senses experience as he is pulled down by gravity. No Tantrum involved here but if this couch surfing behaviour also has an attention function- it could lead into Tantrum Territory. The best way to manage these sensory seeking behaviours is try to be proactive and provide you child or student with functional and safe ways to get the sensory fix. If you know they like to put every little thing in their mouth because the pressure feels good on their teething gums- then that's when you bust out the over-priced Parisian giraffe to save the day. Love all things Sophie!

**one last important point that is a MUST to understand- the function of Tantrum behaviour is NOT always the same. The function will change depending on the context of the situation. A tantrum on Monday might be controlled by attention, while a Tantrum on Thursday might be controlled by escape/avoidance. There is where you have to be a bit of a detective and figure out what's going on.** Best of luck with it!

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We know your child is perfect in every way- despite that, I would love to hear from you. Please share what you are currently experiencing with your child (or student). I'm happy to connect at any time. Be in touch!