The Beauty of Visual Schedules.
I recently walked into one of my clients' houses and had such a proud mom moment. Not so much for something my kids did but for something this mama did. something so simple. one simple strategy that ended up being a game changer for her!vIt took her 30 seconds to implement and has saved her hours of stress with her kids.
Quick question for you. How many times a day do you look at your schedule, calendar, or agenda?
I don't know about you but one of the first things I do every morning is open my daily calendar. I always need to review what's on tap for the day so I can mentally prepare myself and have an idea of how my day is going to be structured. This grounds me big time
I also take a good glance at it every Sunday evening so I have a clear idea of what my week looks like.
I would feel 100% completely lost without my calendar.
I don't only have 1 calendar- I have multiples!!! Call me cray.
I have a calendar for work, each of my kids, family stuff, and birthdays.
If I had to rely on my own memory to keep me on track and organized I'd be doomed in seconds.
You probably wouldn't be reading this and we wouldn't probably wouldn't be friends because I wouldn't be so on top of my shit with work.
So here's the deal.... Our kids are NO DIFFERENT!
To be successful, they need predictability!
To feel grounded, they need to know what's expected of them!
To stay focused, they need a plan!
They need a routine, just as much as we need it. Maybe more.
Visual schedules are one of the most powerful tools I use to help my children build routine in their daily life.
I like visual schedules A LOT.
They work as mini calendars for our kids.
They are EXTREMELY effective for kids.
Why you ask? Great question!
because they're concrete.
because kids can glance at them and review them anytime.
because they create a sense of empowerment for kids.
because they don't negotiate. kids can't get into a power struggle with a visual schedule.
This takes a lot of pressure off of parents to be the broken record to keep reminding their kid to do something.
I hate having to ask my kids to do something more than three times. That's where my patience wears thin.
I rather direct them back to their visual schedule then me raising my voice and losing my cool.
the best part about all of this is that once your kid has enough repetition and practice following the visual schedule- they likely will go into autopilot and Ta Da! learning has happened.
Visual schedules don't have to be fancy or high tech. You can grab scrap paper and write out a schedule for your kid if their reading or you can use stickers or simple drawings to create one.
Here's an example of a visual schedule one of my clients recently create for her 6 & 7 year old. It's so simple- she's sticks it on the fridge. She creates them daily or reuses them if she can! Her kids love coming home to check the schedule on the fridge. She also feels like it helps reduce a lot of the stress she experiences at home between the hours of school ending and bed time.
Here’s another example of a visual schedule I use with my kids for their morning routines. They are slightly different than each other because we’re currently toilet training my son so we’ve built in a potty break into his morning routine to make that a regular thing for him.
Here’s your homework. Choose one part of your day that you find stressful. Take out a piece of paper and create a visual schedule for your child. Review the schedule with them- you might have to put in a bit of teaching time but trust me…. short term pain for long term gain. It’s a huge win.
You’ve got this!
Cori
p.s. If you need any help with this in any way, then I want you to book in a FREE 30 minute Strategy call with me so we can get you started with this. I think every parent needs this one in their toolbox.
Stop the crying!
Today I'm sharing a strategy I use at home with my kids that's been extremely effective in helping them manage their emotions. a.k.a. a way of reducing a ton of unnecessary crying.
Today I'm sharing a strategy I use at home with my kids that's been extremely effective in helping them manage their emotions. a.k.a. a way of reducing a ton of unnecessary crying.
so you know when you're kid is playing and then all of sudden takes a spill and falls down. sometimes they're hurt, sometimes they're scared and sometimes they're in shock. ya?
well if you're living through the toddler or preschool phase right now then this is probably happening on the daily.
how do you respond to this?
Do you console them?
Tell them they're ok?
Let them just cry it out?
I'm mean sometimes it's hard to know if they've really hurt themselves or not. What I do know is that sometimes the cry is so loud and shrieking that I just want to make it STOP!
Sometimes, we don't necessarily see the exact fall but hear the aftermath of it.
I'm always trying hard to provide the emotional support my kids need but I don't want to coddle too much or be overbearing because I want them to learn how to communicate their thoughts and feelings when emotions rise. However, when they're physically hurt I obviously want to give them the care they need.
So... how do we know if they're actually hurt or scared or insert another emotion. Sometimes a cry is a cry is a cry.
here's your answer. you ask them!
you have to teach this up but with a bit of practice you'll be shocked how quickly your kid (even in the midst of a complete outburst) can tell you exactly what's going on.
The second I hear crying from a fall or such I always react by hugging my child and then by saying "is it an ouchy or a scary?"
If my child responds by saying "ouchy" then I have them show me where the pain is and we address it accordingly (usually a kiss or ice pack does the trick)
If my child responds by saying "scary" then I always reassure them that they're ok and ask them if they're brave. Once the crying has calmed, I get them to repeat back to me "I am brave"- (I love affirmations)
Getting them to identify what's going on is an amazing way to build awareness around the emotions they're experiencing and it's also a great way to interfere with the crying #winwin
If you use this strategy consistently, you're child will start to expect you to respond this way and will then get to a point where they just come running to you crying saying "ouchy" or "scary".
This has been a lifesaver in our house, especially with my sensitive, emotional, and very clumsy 3.5 year old.
Give it and try and let me know how it goes.
You've got this!
Cori
p.s. If you’ve got a toddler or preschoolers that refuses to listen to you or melts down easily when you ask them to do something then I’ve got something for you. These toddlers and preschoolers love a good power struggle!!! If you want to learn how to get your kid to listen to you without yelling or having to constantly repeat yourself then grab my FREE cheatsheet. It has 7 strategies you can start using right away!
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How to ask for help!
As parents we're so quick to respond to our kids (regardless of age) and offer them help when we see they're struggling. However.... when WE are struggling it's sometimes so difficult to seek out help and support for ourselves.
Schools in! #campmom's out! .... and we're back to our regular programming.
I want to throw something your way and would love to hear your thoughts on it. This has come up in my practice a lot recently with so many parents so I'm addressing it head on.
As parents we're so quick to respond to our kids (regardless of age) and offer them help when we see they're struggling.
This could be at any given minute of the day.
On the playground, during meals, bedtime, you name it!
However.... when WE are struggling it's sometimes so difficult to seek out help and support for ourselves.
I'm talking about struggling with our own self care, our own anxieties, our frustrations, our health, our happiness and overall well being.
What the heck is that all about?
Would you agree?
I'm guilty of this, no doubt!
This is a parenting phenomenon. point blank.
There's good reason for this and there's definitely strategies I've starting using over the past few years that I've been successful with.
At the end of the day you're not the only one who suffers when you avoid asking for help. Your child's in the mix as well.
I'm all about community support, which is exactly why I pour some much time and love into Behave it or NOT! It's my labour of love that has giving me so much support and reassurance from people like you who are doing the parenting thing at the same time.
Asking for help is about to get so much easier. Here are my 3 strategies on how to ask for help.
....with that said, I've got to go find someone to help me out right as my boy's home sick after day 1 of school and this mama's gotta work 😭 (something's gotta give)
You've got this!
Cori
p.s. If I can do this, so can you. I learned very quickly after my second was born that asking for help is a lifesaver. I barely took it when offered with my first.
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This will give you the shivers
When we developed The Stress Free Mealtime Manifesto our intention was to help families reduce stress around mealtime. In my wildest dreams, I never thought the program could bring so much change to one family in such a short period of time. The transformation this mama’s made with her son is unbelievable! If she can do it, you can too!
So as we roll into September, I basically feel like New Year's is approaching. It's this idea of resetting our routines from summer, starting a new school year, and getting back into our groove from the lax of summer days.
This has truly been an amazing summer. I got to spend the entire month of August home with my kids hanging out. I've witnessed so much developmental growth over the summer, which I always find fascinating.
One of the BEST parts of this summer was having the opportunity to speak with one of our moms who recently completed one of my online programs; The Stress Free Mealtime Manifesto.
The transformation she's made with her son is unbelievable! I literally had shivers running down my spine the entire time we spoke. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
When we developed the program our intention was to help families reduce stress around mealtime. In my wildest dreams, I never thought the program could bring so much change to one family in such a short period of time.
I couldn't have made this up if I tried. This mom has a 3 year old son who was born with low birth weight so the pressure to get food in him was on since day 1. After completing The Stress Free Mealtime Manifesto....
He went from underweight ➡️ to gaining weight!
He went from refusing every meal ➡️ to now running to the table for dinner!
He went from refusing new foods ➡️ to now trying new foods!
Mom went from dreading mealtimes ➡️ to really looking forward to them!
Parents went from a lot of arguing ➡️ to coming together on a united front!
🔊🔊🔊 Listen to her story, it will give you the shivers. I've been doing a happy dance around the clock since Angela initially shared her journey with us!
This is exactly why I do what I do!
Enrolment for The Stress Free Mealtime Manifesto will be opening again in about a month's time. If this mama could do it, so can you!
You've got this!
- Cori
p.s. I want you to always remember that it's never too late to make changes so you can squash the parenting stress. You always have the choice to step it up and try something different or continuing doing what you're doing and let the stress build. Don't forget it 😉
6 Back to School Tips For An Easy Transition.
Going back to school means change, and even though you're kid might be excited to get back into the classroom, you still have some groundwork to do to make sure that excitement doesn't turn into a catastrophic emotional or behavioural explosion a few days in.
Summer is almost over (sigh) and that means school is fast approaching! This week I am going to share with you a few of my favourite tips to get you and your family ready for the transition. The better you can prep your family, the easier those first few weeks back will be. I’ve already started working through most of the strategies with my family. Your turn!
BACK TO SCHOOL TIP #1: Create a solid morning routine!
I am NOT an early to rise person and neither is my family but the last thing I want is for my kids to be late to school. By creating a well-planned morning routine you can get out of the house on time with little to no bumps along the way (exciting right?!). Start practicing your back-to-school morning routine NOW!
I always pack backpacks the night before and leave them at the front door with the zipper wide open so all I have to do is plop the lunch box in. Sounds so insignificant but was a game changer when I started doing it. #backtoschool
BACK TO SCHOOL TIP #2: Fake it until you make it!
If you’re feeling stressed or anxious about school starting than your child is likely going to pick up on this and follow suit. Consider how your own behaviour is affecting your child’s. Stay calm and positive in front of your child-even if you don’t feel that way inside. Let your child decide on their own if they’re going to have anxious feelings or not.
P.s. feeling anxious about back to school is totally normal- especially for those who are sending their first child off to kindergarten! I’m 100% anticipating those back to school jitters myself.
BACK TO SCHOOL TIP #3: Involve your kids during back to school shopping
Back to school sales are on!! Those sales hit a sweet spot, but that cart can’t push itself so make sure to involve your kids in your back to school shopping! This gives you an opportunity to talk to them about school while doing something that makes them excited for what lies ahead
BACK TO SCHOOL TIP #4: Familiarize your child with their school
Our kids thrive off of predictability. There’s no better way to make them less anxious for school than by visiting it! Play in the school playground and start walking or driving the route to school on your daily outings. Take pictures of your child’s school so you guys can look at them together. This is a great conversation starter!
BACK TO SCHOOL TIP #5: Get back into a good bedtime routine
Sleep is one of the most important players in a successful transition. Proper sleep hygiene is extremely important for growth and development. A well rested child will be more resilient through change. Start getting back into a good bedtime routine NOW! If you stretched bedtime over the summer, start to slowly shift it back in 15 minute increments until you are back to your regular. Starting Monday this will definitely be going down in the Stern house!
BACK TO SCHOOL TIP #6: Connect your child with their friends
A familiar face will make a huge difference when your kid goes back to school. Try to schedule in a play date before school starts. I’ll be setting up a few playdates at our school playground so my daughter can reconnect with her classmates who she hasn’t seen in two months. Feeling connected to others plays a huge part in reducing anxious feelings, especially with transitions.
You’ve got this!
-Cori
p.s. If you’re feeling stressed about the transition back to school? Worried your kid will be emotional and attached to your hip until you have to pry their hands off? If you find transitions challenging, let me give you solutions to make this one a little more seamless. Book in a FREE 30-minute call so I can understand where you’re at. From one mama to another- I’m here for you!
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Monkey See, Monkey Do 🙈
So the moral of the story today is... your child watches your every single move. Monkey see, monkey do is a real thing. DO NOT forget that.
My 5 year old is at camp this week but only enrolled half days in the mornings. We've been spending our afternoons together, which has been really nice. Yesterday afternoon, I had to jump on a quick work call so I stepped into a quiet room and left her to play on her own. She's amazing an entertaining herself, and can literally keep herself busy with imaginary play for hours.
When I got off my call, I noticed she was playing in the bathroom so I headed in that direction to see what she was up to. To my absolute surprise, when I turned the corner it became VERY apparent to me that Barbie had just gotten her first hair cut.
YUP.
that's right.
My 5 year old found a pair of scissors from a utility drawer in my kitchen, got comfy on the bathroom floor and went to town on Barbie's hair.
At first I wanted to lose my shit on her because...
a. safety first
b. there was a HUGE annoying mess all over my bathroom (I hate cleaning anything)
but... I then had to realize that this wasn't her fault at all. This was totally MY doing.
I cut my own kids' hair (usually in the bathroom) and she's obviously experienced it and seen me do it on her brother a handful of times. We've never talked about scissor safety around cutting hair or why's it's important for grown ups only to be cutting.
She didn't know any better. She was just modelling something she'd see me do.
She was exercising her imagination, which I'm all for!
To be honest I was more relieved than anything that she experimented on Barbie and not her own hair (she's got this amazing head of blonde curls- I would have been so sad if she slaughtered it).
So when I actually realized what had just happened, my response to her was (in a very calm tone)...
next time you have the idea of cut your dolls hair, please speak to mummy or daddy so we can make sure it's safe and so we can find a good spot in the house to do.
I knew if I yelled at her and blamed her for all the wrong, then no doubt this would happen again behind closed doors because she would totally be afraid of our reaction.
again... this was just a 5 year old girl modelling what she had seen mum do and was using her imagination in play.
In the next day or so, her and I will have another conversation to reflect on what happened and discuss what we'll do different next time to make sure all is good.
no blame. no shame. no pain involved over here!
I can't stress enough how much your own behaviour dictates your child's behaviour.
Your kiddo is watching your every move.
You are your child's most influential teacher in life.
You've got this,
- Cori
p.s. as stressful as parenting can be... you need to know you're not in it alone. Parenting is NOT intuitive, it's hard eff-ing work. If you need solutions, a plan, or a sounding board then let's get on the phone and chat. Book in a 30 minute call (this one's on me)
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3 Steps to Fostering a Curious & Inquisitive Mind
I'm all about teaching my children how to think and how to learn vs. what to think and what to learn. I want them to always ask questions, seek out solutions, problem solve, and understand that sometimes there's not only 1 right answer.
As much as these are important skills for growth and development, these are vital skills for life! These are skills they will use to take on the world as they grow up.
I recently had an amazing experience with my daughter that I'm sharing.
So here's the dealio. If I don't keep my kids busy then I know one of two things will happen. Either....
1. they'll dive into the world of imaginative play and turn my house upside down or
2. they turn into little monsters and drive each other crazy, which ultimately leads to someone crying, whining or complaining.
both outcomes are manageable but when my house is so tidy and i'm really not in the mood to moderate for them, I get creative and try to do something that provides them with some kind of hands on learning experience to keep them busy and engaged.
Engaged kids = Well behaved kids (that's the message here)
Here's an example of how it goes....
Last week we were driving in the car and my 5 year daughter asked me a random question about planet earth (they'd been discussing it at school). I told her I didn't know the answer so her immediate reaction was... "well ma, you can look it up on google"
while she wasn't entirely wrong, I saw this as an opportunity to teach her how to do a little research and use her inquisitive mind to satisfy her curiosity.
I praised her for asking such a great question and responded to her by saying... "I have the best idea. Tomorrow after school we are going to head to the library and find some books on the solar system so we can find the answer to your question".
She was so down for this mission!
I took it one step further and told her that once she finds her answer in her search, we can go to the crafts store and get the goods to build her own solar system.
Now she was double down for the mission!
Motivation is high! curiosity is flowing! we have a fun outing to look forward to! the library costs nothing! and ba-da bing ba-da boom she now how something to take to school for show and share and be really proud of! and not to mention we got to spend some amazing quality time executing this plan together #winwin
I'm all about teaching my children how to think and how to learn vs. what to think and what to learn. I want them to always ask questions, seek out solutions, problem solve, and understand that sometimes there's not only 1 right answer.
As much as these are important skills for growth and development, these are vital skills for life! These are skills they will use to take on the world as they grow up.
So in short... here are my 3 steps fostering inquiry in your child's development;
1. Listen- pay very close attention to the things your child says. Challenge them with questions to answers they don't know. Praise them for asking you questions- even if it's "why, why, why" (this is every other word coming out of my 3 year old right now)
2. Create a Plan- hold on to any inquisitive questions your child is asking and create a plan to find the answer. You can do this through play, books, videos, outings- something that will motivate them! Let your child know exactly what the plan is and how you're going to try to solve the answer to their question. Remember- no question is too ridiculous here. It's ok to get silly!
3. Execute - Go through the motions of your plan to solve the answer to that question. Children learn best if there's something visual or tangible they can anchor into when learning new information. Hands on experiences allow all the senses to get involved which allows the brain to process information in different ways. You want this!
You're homework here is to listen up to your child and go through these 3 steps with them this week!
I think you'll be pleasantly surprised how well behaved your child is as you go through the motions. Please keep me posted, I'd love to hear what kind of content you explore with your child. Send me an email, post it up in Behave it or NOT! or tag me on social.
You've got this!
Cori
p.s. I'm hanging out all summer with my clients. If your feeling exhausted, stressed or defeated on the parenting end in any way then I want you to book in a FREE 30-minute strategy call with me. I've got solutions for you. Let's chat!
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I did it... I caved.
I made the decision long ago that showing up to a mealtime with my children feeling stress is NOT worth it. It’s not good for me and it’s not good for them. So I caved and did something I never thought I would do.
It's been a busy few weeks over here at Cori Stern headquarters. There's so many exciting things happening. I'm starting to lose track of the days (luckily not my kids). I sort of feel like I have baby brain all over again- this is NOT a hint. Just a surge of overwhelm from being an entrepreneur, mom and wife. Balancing it all is hard AF.
Thanks to a good friend....I recently gave in and subscribed to GoodFood. One of these meal delivery subscriptions that nicely portions out fresh meals, packages them and leaves them on your door step. All you literally have to do it cook the meal. I've been hearing about it for years, but it never once appealed to me.
He doesn't work in the industry anymore but... My husband is a trained chef and cooks a lot at home, why the heck would I subscribe (was my thought once upon a time).... I'm the furthest thing from a trained chef and try to avoid the kitchen at all costs.
But in comes life.... so my thought process has changed a bit. Work has exploded for me in the best possible way and my husband has also been busier than ever at work. He's getting home later, which is leaving me as the primary to prepare dinner for us. Given the busy-ness of it all, preparing dinner at the end of the day has become a huge pressure point for me.
I HATE IT!
It takes time away from hanging out with my kids after the school day.
It requires cleaning up a mess (and somehow I end up using every utensil in the kitchen)
It requires planning and thinking a head of time so I have all the ingredients I need, etc. (I have the worst memory EVER so this is really effortful).
It literally creates so much stress for me that by the time we sit down to eat dinner I'm wiped, sometimes irritable, and not present the way I want to be at mealtime with my children.
so... I caved. I subscribed. and I'm thrilled.
It takes the guessing work & grocery shopping out of the process. This alone for me is a HUGE win! Now I get why people do this!
With this system in place, I've been able to sit down with my family at dinner and feel way more calm and relaxed. It's opened up space to have great conversation during dinner and also feel more present and playful with my kids. As a result, my kids are happy little people who eat all their food. It's been a game changer.
Now, I don't see myself doing this as a full time thing BUT.... I will definitely lean on this strategy when we have extremely busy weeks.
Showing up to a mealtime with my children feeling stress is NOT worth it. I've made this firm decision in my own parenting because I truly believe that...
☝bringing stress to the table can negatively impact my children's' behaviours,
☝it takes away from the quality of my time spent with my children,
☝it can inadvertently intercept my children's healthy relationship with food.
That's what I've got for you today. I'd love to know your thoughts. What strategies do you use to show up to mealtime being the best parent you can be.
One last thing…. my kids were also extremely excited about the box delivery. According to my 3 year old it’s a Firetruck, and if you ask my 5 year old it’s a Mermaid’s seashell. Regardless it’s provided hours of entertainment #momwin!
You've got this,
Cori
p.s. If you have a 2015 baby then you check out my upcoming ONLINE event “Transitioning into Kindergarten”. It’s happening May 29th @ 7:45pm (EST). This is your chance to know exactly how to get yourself and your child through this transition. Registration is ONLY $25 until May 3. The price will go up after that. Hope you can make it!
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Understanding Picky Eating
Teaching your child to eat is hard work. This is my message to all parents who battles any ounce of stress from raising a picky eater.
This week I'm sending out a message that I think all parents need to hear.
I was recently working with a client of mine who has 2 kids- one's 4.5 and the other is 1.5. This mama initially reached out to relieve the boat load of stress she carries with her from her 4 year old who has a VERY VERY limited repertoire of foods that she eats.
There are a few reasons why this causes her so much stress, but it really burns when she has to sit her two kids down to eat at the same time and her 1.5 year old literally eats anything and everything, while her other has such a limited palate.
She's concerned about the anxiety this creates for her older one
She's concerned that her older one isn't getting enough nutrition
She's concerned that her older one is going to develop a complex around this, that will effect her mental health down the line.
This is my message to her and any other parents who battles any ounce of stress from raising a picky eater.
Feeding and eating are skills that need to be learned. These are not innate skills that we are born with. The good news about this is that we can teach our children these skills. These are skills children can learn over time. The research shows that children need to be exposed to foods 15-20 times before they are even willing to put it in their mouths. This number jumps to about 30 times for children on the Autism Spectrum.
There are several foods I eat now that I would have NEVER touched as a child. Foods that my own children have absolutely loved from day 1. Go figure!
Taste buds evolve over time, but for some that might mean years. and that OK.
While some of us have taste preferences (mine’s forsure salty), some children are very sensitive to textures. Again, this doesn’t have to be a forever thing- there’s ways to teach your child to eat different textures.
Some children have oral motor challenges that make eating very difficult. This has to do with all those tiny muscles in and around your face that are involved in eating. This might not be obvious to the naked eye, but highly trained professionals can assess this and prescribe treatment to address it! I’m working through these exact challenges right now with my son. We see an Occupational Therapist for feeding therapy to help strengthen his cheeks and lips so he can better develop a solid rotary chew so he’s not a complete disastrous mess after each meal. I would have never known that was his challenge if I didn’t have him assessed. But it all makes sense now!
Lastly, there only one way to know if your child is getting enough nutrition. That information will come directly from your child’s doctor. It’s your child’s dr’s responsibility to track their height and weight over time. Some dr’s chart this on a growth chart and some don’t- but either way they can look at the growth over time and tell you if your child getting enough of what they need.
Bottom line, feeding your child isn’t as intuitive as you might have thought it is. If you see emerging signs of a picky eater or currently have a picky eater I want you to rest assured that this isn’t definitive. Also know, that if their picky eating is something you are comfortable with (given that your child is following their own growth curve) then that’s completely fine too! Each parent has their own end goal in mind and that’s yours to hold on to.
If your end goal is to raise a child that a healthy and balanced relationship with food, then there are lots of do’s and don’t on the parenting end that you need to be cognizant of. I’m going to be sharing those do’s and don’t in the coming weeks so stay tuned….
Deep breath! You've got this!
Cori
p.s. If you are dealing with any type of feeding problem at home and are looking for a dynamic solution then I want you to reach out so we can chat. Book in your FREE 30-minute call.
You can learn more about my Multidisciplinary Feeding Team here.
3 Ways to Teach Your Child to Eat Foods You Don't Necessarily Like Yourself.
I can't stress enough how much your attitude and behaviour towards food directly effects your child's. Please be very mindful of your actions and approach when teaching your child to eat. Here are my 3 favourite strategies for teaching your child to eat food you don’t necessarily like.
Random question for you...
On a scale of 1-10 how much do you like tomatoes?
I can honestly say I do NOT. I have a very hard time tolerating raw tomatoes in my mouth. For me it's a texture thing.
I love tomato sauce (Costco White Linen brand is my fav),
tomato soup.. yum!
cooked tomatoes.... not my fav, but don't mind them.
Am I weird!?! This is something I'm working on. I often go back to trying little bits and pieces of raw tomatoes in my salads and recipes. I'm starting to tolerate small little pieces in salads but it's a work in progress.
So I'm telling you my deepest and darkest secrets here because I faced a huge challenge when it came time to introduce my children to tomatoes.
I must say I was a bit stumped. I was so enthusiastic about all the other foods that I introduced to them before the red round veg. How the heck was I going to do this!?!
Well mamas & papas...
I did it.
My children are just about 5 & 3 and both of them eat tomatoes. raw tomatoes. cooked tomatoes. tomato sauce. and everything in between.
I recently shared my "how to" with a client of mine and thought this would be good for any parent who is teaching their child to eat a new food that they themselves might not necessarily like. I can't stress enough how much your attitude and behaviour towards food directly effects your child's. Please be very mindful of your actions and approach when teaching your child to eat. We are all in the business of raising well balanced children who have a healthy relationship with food.
More on the importance of that healthy relationship to come. But for now….
3 Strategies for teaching your child to eat foods you don't necessarily like yourself.
1. Check your shit at the door. Regardless of how much you dislike a food, when you introduce and feed it to your child you make absolutely no mention of your preference, or lack there of. You approach the situation in a very neutral way and serve it up like it's no big deal. Watch your body language here- kids can read you like a book. This means your facial expressions, the way you look at the food, and your proximity to the food. When I put tomatoes on the table, I simply act the same way as if I were putting a juicy watermelon out for grabs (love watermelon!). I welcome it to the table and show the exact same enthusiasm.
2. Choose a model. Being mindful in this process includes thinking things through before putting food on the table. If you are going to introduce your child to a food that you will NOT eat then make sure to introduce it when there's someone around that will eat it. So... in the early days when tomatoes came up on my list, I made sure to introduce it for the first couple of times while my husband was home. It's important that children see us eat the food we are asking them to eat. Children learn directly through their environment! They are looking to you for that thumbs up or down.
3. Choose 1 Interaction- A big part of teaching kids how to eat has to do with how they're exposed to foods at a young age. The process of teaching your child to eat is NOT limited to them putting food in their mouth and deciding if they like it or not. Dietician, Ahuva Magder Hershkop uses the first date analogy, which I really love. She always questions whether or not you'd kiss a person on a first/blind date. Most people would say 'no' (no judgement here if you're a 'yes') but you'd take your time to get to know the person, feel them out, and over time decide if you're into them or not before you lunge in for that first kiss. Kids are no different with food. Sometimes they need to interact with food in different ways before they are willing to take a bite. So this is your chance to pick up that tomato and find something to do with it, other than eat it. Play with it together, smush it up, blend it, juice it, whatever floats your boat. Just remember that you can introduce it to your child without any pressure to actually consume it!
You've got this!
Cori
p.s. There are ONLY 3 tickets left for my event next week "Transitioning into Kindergarten". If you've got a 2015 baby, this one's for you. If you haven't already starting prepping your child for this HUGE transition, you better get going. Come kick off you Kindergarten prep with me next week. All the info you need is right here!
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How To Teach Your Child To Problem Solve
As parents we need to empower our children & teach them effective problem solving skills. Here’s a very simple yet effective approach to getting it done! Don’t wait until they start school to start focusing on problem solving. Start yesterday!
Today I'm sharing a little something that totally drives me NUTS! There are two very small words in my children's language repertoire, that when put together, make me cray cray. Regardless of the situation, I always have this counterintuitive reaction to hearing them say "I can't".
My maternal instinct always has me wanting to jump out of my seat to help them with whatever they "can't" do on their own, but then a split second later I'm like... "you know what... they need to figure this one out".
Now, the worst part of all this is it usually comes out in some kind of obnoxious whining tone. If you've been following along for a bit now, then you know whining is a non-negotiable in my house. I've also made it very clear to my kids that the phrase "I can't" falls at the top of my non-negotiable list.
Problem solving is a very important life skill our child need to learn in order to thrive and succeed. You shouldn't be waiting for them to start school to start learning this skill. This is something they start learning as soon as they start moving around and exploring their environment.
It's our job to provide them with lots of opportunity to develop their problem solving skills and it's also our job to model exactly how to work through situations that require a bit of problem solving. This will look very differently for a child that is 2 years old vs. a child that is 6 years old but at the end of the day they both require you to give them a chance to figure it out and then model appropriate problem solving if they get stuck.
Here's an example that just sprung yesterday with my son when he was colouring and couldn't get the cap on the marker;
me: "ok, it's time to clean up- put the markers away"
child: "mummy I can't do it" (as he tries to close a marker)
me: "you're a big boy, you can absolutely do it! try again, if you get stuck ask for help- remember we don't say I can't"
child: "mummy I need help" (as he is carelessly jamming the cap on the marker and it just won't catch, ugh!)
me: I state the problem out loud and talk through the solution (ie; "oh no I can't get the cap on the marker, what can I do. I'm going to try to hold the marker in the middle and very slowly put the cap on and wiggle it until it clicks") then I say to my son "here you go now it's your turn"
child: he tries it out and successfully closes the marker- and looks up at me with a grin 😉
I truly believe that if a child says the words "I can't" enough times they will start believing it. It's important to be cognizant of the message we are sending our kids if we are constantly jumping up to do things for them as a response to "I can't". Teaching them the skills to problem solve is one thing but empowering them by telling them "they can" is worth more than most things in life. I promise you that one.
I challenge you to pay attention to your reactions and hold back just a bit to give your child a chance to figure things out. and if they can't. coach them along the way until they can!
If you feel you need some coaching to help you take on this approach, then let's chat. Book in a FREE 30 minute call so we get an action plan started for you.
You've got this!
Cori
p.s. If you have a 2015 baby and are feeling a bit anxious about Kindergarten in the fall then check out my upcoming event on April 28th! called Transitioning into Kindergarten.
Teaching Your Child to Read: Not as Difficult as it Seems!
Have you ever thought about teaching your child to read? It is a daunting task. Do you start at the letter A? How do you teach vowel sounds? How do you teach homonyms…what are those again? How do you explain that sometimes the letter c says /s/, and other times it says /k/? So many questions. Where do we even start? Here’s the answer!
This year, I decided to teach my son to read. He is 5 years old, in Senior Kindergarten. Friends who know me well aren’t surprised by this; I am task-oriented, organized and just a bit competitive ☺ I am also a certified teacher. I want to make one point very clear though: these are not the attributes that have led to my son’s reading success, or to my success when working with him. The reason we have been so successful is because of the program I am using, and the quality time we have spent together.
Have you ever thought about teaching your child to read? It is a daunting task. Do you start at the letter A? How do you teach vowel sounds? How do you teach homonyms…what are those again? How do you explain that sometimes the letter c says /s/, and other times it says /k/? So many questions. Where do we even start?
The program I am using addresses all of these questions. In fact, it tells the parent which words to say in order to teach their child to read! It teaches children necessary pre-reading skills such as rhyming, blending, and sound-symbol correspondences before teaching them to read words and stories. It teaches them that the letters th together make a different sound than t and h do separately. It teaches the final-e rule. And the best part? Each lesson is 20 minutes spent with your child.
If you have been following Cori for more than a minute, you’ll know that children thrive with structure, routine and predictability. Knowing what to expect and what is expected of them leads children to behave positively. This reading program turns learning to read into a success-based task that parents and children will succeed at together. It is based on taking small, predictable steps frequently over time. The child masters skills before learning new ones. They are successful in each lesson you do together. Each lesson follows the same format, which leads to confidence in reading. When a child feels confident, they are more likely to take risks to extend their skill set. For example, my son loves animals. He is reading well enough now that I have started writing a new animal fact for him each day. His motivation to learn and his confidence in reading led him to attempt to read the word crepuscular to learn about rabbits’ sleep/wake cycles. He could not yet read this word accurately, but was not deterred by his errors. He has a strong letter-sound base, and confidence in his skills and his learning. I was equally as proud of him for trying such a difficult word as I was about his self-regulation and attitude when he stumbled on such a tricky word.
Teaching him to read has an added behavioural perk: building the capacity to work at something that is not necessarily a preferred activity. Working through these lessons with success and confidence will contribute to a positive attitude towards school and school-related tasks to be completed at home. In my job, I speak to a lot of parents for whom homework is a considerable source of conflict and frustration. With this reading program, I am laying the groundwork for a constructive approach to working together and completing academic tasks in the future.
There are several rumours indicating that it is possible our children are entering a kindergarten system that may not have a certified O.C.T. teacher in the classroom. Our children may lose the classroom caps placed in the primary years. Learning to read is a skill that is imperative for success in the early years of school, and a lack of strong reading skills will have ramifications for life.
Alana Silver,
Academic Specialist & Consultant
Angus Lloyd Associates
Angus Lloyd Associates will be running workshops on how to implement this learn-to-read program on the dates below. We feel so strongly about this program that we want to teach parents how to use it with their own children. Please be in touch with us to sign up for this workshop.
We are offering the following training dates (located in mid-town Toronto):
Monday April 8: 7:00-9:00pm
Friday May 10: 12:30-2:30pm
Thursday June 6: 7:00-9:00pm
Connect with us!
Website: https://www.anguslloyd.com/teach-your-child-to-read
Email: alanna@anguslloyd.com
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How to be a less distracted parent
We have a HUGE parenting epidemic on our hands. This epidemic has been termed "distracted parenting". We are all guilty of it to some degree. Distracted parenting has come as result of parents paying less attention to their child because they are distracted with hand held devices such as smart phones and tablets. This is a very scary thing and plays a huge role in why many children don't listen to their parents. Distracted parenting can cause serious emotional, social and behavioural issues for our children.
We have a HUGE parenting epidemic on our hands. This epidemic has been termed "distracted parenting". We are all guilty of it to some degree. Distracted parenting has come as result of parents paying less attention to their child because they are distracted with hand held devices such as smart phones and tablets. This is a very scary thing and plays a huge role in why many children don't listen to their parents. Distracted parenting can cause serious emotional, social and behavioural issues for our children.
Think about the message your child is getting when they feel like you aren't paying attention to them because you are busy staring at a screen. Think about what type of behaviour you are modelling for them. Think about how these messages will spill into the development of their social skills.
Just yesterday my two kids were chasing each other in the house playing tag. They were completely engaged with one another. I was prepping dinner at the time so I wasn't a part of the game. At one point I started checking an email on my phone, when my son ran up to me to ask me for something. Caught in the act! I didn't reply to him quick enough so he very loudly said to me "mama, put away phone".
OY! My stomach basically flipped inside out when I heard these words come out of his mouth!
This was a serious ah-ha! moment. I'm very cognizant of my tech usage around my kids but they literally hear, see, and smell EVERYTHING! I figured that since I wasn't directly playing the game with them I could quickly sneak a peak at my email. well that bit me in the ass 😝
Our children need our undivided attention!
It's time to.....
Stop multitasking,
Stop checking your emails, &
Stop glancing at social media when you think they don't realize.
They absorb everything about your non-verbal communication and behaviour.
It's time to put down your cell phones and computers until your child is asleep.
I challenge you to be more present with your child.
I challenge you to be more emotionally available for your child.
I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone and feel silly when you play with your child.
Accept my challenge and I can guarantee you a very happy, relaxed and well behaved child.
You in?
I can assure you your child will listen to you A LOT better when they have your undivided attention more often. We need to keep those attention buckets as full as possible!
Here are a few easy ways to become less distracted and more attentive;
1. Out of sight, out of mind!-check your device at the door. When you're home with your child, put your device in a different room away from where you're hanging out. You can find a nice home for it in a closet, a drawer, or a small basket at your front door. If it's out of sight you might be less tempted to pick it up and use it. Remember, your behaviour is reflected in your child's behaviour. They are watching you and will follow suit. We should always be modelling healthy social and emotional behaviour.
2. Turn off your notification-turn your ringer off! turn your notifications off!Silences is a beautiful things. About two years ago I turned off the noise for my email notifications because I found that it started to dictate when and how often I was checking my phone. It became way too consuming for me. It's been a game changer ever since. I only check now when I"m in work mode or once my kids have gone to bed (so now you know why I might not get back to you immediately 😉)
3. Turn off your data -this is for those of you that have very little self control. Turn off your cellular data when you're home. Turn off your wifi. Block it all out. This way nothing's coming in and nothing's going out. About 2 months ago I went over on my data so I shut off my cellular data while I was out of my house and office. This was nothing short of liberating. It took a day to get used to but ended up being glorious.
Try out these strategies and let me know what works for you! Forward this email on to your partner so you're on the same page. I can whole heartedly say, that my children are so much calmer, happier and compliant when I check my device at the door. Challenge yourself and see how well it works for you!
If you're feeling the winter blues or just need some support in your corner then book in your FREE 30-minute strategy call so we can chat! I've got plenty of solutions to help you get your child listening to you.
You've got this!
Cori
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ST🚫P the Whining!
Get your child to stop whining use these 3 strategies
Today's your day. I'm throwing you a bone. I'm giving you a few of my strategies on how to curb whining. In my opinion there's nothing more painful than listening to your child whine.
The first time it happens.... ok fine.
The second time is happens..... I'm a bit annoyed but can deal
The third, fourth, & fifth time..... I'm about to lose my shit (and that's not good for no one) 🙅
Whining is one thing in my house that I don't tolerate. My threshold for it is extremely low. After a few times of hearing it, my body starts to tense, my jaw clenches and automatically my hair starts to frizz 😤 That's my fight or flight response to whining, ha!
Children use whining as a form of expression. It's an emotional outlet for them. It's a way for them to indirectly unload their feelings in a very annoying way (for lack of a better term).
There is some good new to this. Whining is a cue for us! It's a sign letting us know that our child needs our help to work through whatever feelings and emotions they are experiencing.
Some children whine when they're tired, some when they're hungry, and some when they're overstimulated. Some children whine when they feel challenged, defeated, and/or annoyed.
Now if you think your toddler or preschooler is going to very calmly and politely come up to you and say...
"mom I"m feeling completely overstimulated because the tv is on, you and dad are talking loud, and my sister is running back and forth through the hallway with her toys, and I'm tired because I was at daycare all day today" ....then we need to chat.
It's more like... (read in whiny voice) "mummy, I can't hear the tv. mummyyyy, mummyyyy, ahhhhh, waaaa, muuuummy, I want to hear the tv, I can't hear the tv.
What you MUST know about whining, is the second you respond to your child by turning the tv up and lowering your voice at the same time, you have just reinforced the whining so you better believe it's going to happen again and again and again! Your child just struck gold! He got exactly what he wanted! 💥
We have to support our children in expressing their emotions. We have to support their emotional needs, and we have to teach them that whining is not an effective way of getting shit done.
Here's 3 ways to you can do that... It's time to say buh-bye to that whining noise!
1. Make your child aware
Children need to be made aware of their behaviour. Whenever my son or daughter whines I will immediately say "that's whining, mummy doesn't like whining". You have to give it a name, label it for them. Building awareness is the first part to curbing this behaviour. Labelling it once, won't do anything. You want to keep labelling the whining behaviour until you start to see some change happen.
2. Give your child an alternative action
Once you've started labelling the whining behaviour you need to give your child an alternative response to the whining. So if my child starts to whine, I will say "that's whining, mummy doesn't like whining, you can use your big kid voice instead and ask nicely". Since this is an emotional response- we wouldn't want to send our child the message that they shouldn't express themselves so you can also say something like "that's whining, mummy doesn't like whining, if you're hungry please tell mummy you're tummy feels hungry and we'll get you a yummy snack". Modelling the appropriate response is really important here. Show them exactly what it's suppose to look like. They need that model.
3. Give another chance
Again, since the whining behaviour is a form of communication, we don't want to hinder it. We don't want our children to feel blamed or shamed for trying to express themselves. We want them to feel empowered to express their emotional needs. So when you're child starts to whine, you always want to give them another chance to practice the alternative behaviour you provided them with. Don't just shut them out and tell them to stop whining. That will just escalate things further and you'll end up in power struggle or melt down territory. I love the phrase "try again or do you want to try again". For example I'll say "that's whining, mummy doesn't like whining, you can use your big kid voice instead and ask nicely, do you want to try again".
Try these out and stick to the script. After practicing these strategies consistently, you will see the whining behaviour start to decrease. We've used these strategies so much in my house that now all I have to say is "that's whining" and my kids redirect their response to a way more functional one! No more frizzy hair for me! (at least from the whining!)
I've got more strategies around this and any other behaviour that comes your way. If your feeling exhausted, stressed or defeated in any way then I want you to book in a FREE 30-minute strategy call with me. I've got solutions for you. Let's chat!
You've got this!
Cori
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Supporting Emotional Regulation, Turn Taking and Cooperation in a Play-Based Environment
Developing emotional regulation and cooperation isn’t something that comes naturally to growing children - this is something that must be taught on an ongoing basis and requires lots of modelling and repetition. Here are some great tips on how to teach emotional regulation, turn taking and cooperation through play!
We know the early years of a child’s life are the most critical in developing his or hers social and emotional development. Developing emotional regulation and cooperation isn’t something that comes naturally to growing children - this is something that must be taught on an ongoing basis and requires lots of modelling and repetition.
What is emotional regulation?
Emotional regulation refers to the ability of child to return to a calm and alert state after an emotional “bump” of some kind. This bump could be extremely positive or negative - it may be a full-blown tantrum or a display of over-excitement that is difficult to contain. In any case, it’s important to note that kids are born with a range of emotions but need adult support to learn regulate so we must be mindful of what our children are actually capable of when we’re setting out our expectations for them.
Play is an amazing avenue to teach emotional regulation, cooperation and turn taking because children are naturally playful and are drawn to play. Studies show that young children learn best in a play-based environment when they are following their own interests so we should capitalize on this! Play (almost always or should) occurs in a safe, non-threatening environment so children are more willing to take risks where they may not do so in other situations. In play-based scenarios, they learn important skills like negotiating with their peers, taking turns, waiting, and feeling disappointment/excitement.
What you can do to support emotional regulation
Firstly, allow your child to express their emotions (positive and negative) while you help them to identify and label those feelings. We want to be careful to not stifle or repress those big emotions as this may have implications later on in their social/emotional development.
Mirror play and role play is a great start to help children learn to identify what their feelings actually look like when they are experiencing them. The next time your child is upset, comment on their appearance and have them see what they look like: “Oh my goodness, you look really sad, you’re crying and your mouth is in a frown - can you see your tears in the mirror? Poor you, you must need an extra cuddle.” On the other end of the emotional spectrum, make sure to comment on their facial expression and/or action if they are really excited about something - ““Wow, good for you! Look at you clapping your hands, you must be really proud of yourself for finishing that puzzle! I can see all your teeth and your mouth looks like an orange slice because you’re smiling so much!”
Likewise, parents should model the same sort of emotions and feelings during play to show children how to react. This may come naturally or you may need to manufacture a situation that would cause you frustration or disappointment to make it a teachable moment - “Oh no! My tower keeps falling over, it’s making me a bit mad but I’m going to keep trying. Can you help me build it?” This fairly simple statement demonstrates a number of important things:
It’s showing that adults have real emotions too! As parents, we want to stay as emotionally stable as we can in front of our children but it’s actually important for them to witness us experience frustration, disappointment, excitement etc in order to normalize those feelings to them
It’s showing perseverance. A big part of developing emotional regulation is that ability to return to a calm state and either move on or try something again. By saying “I’m going to keep trying”, we’re teaching our kids that we may have hiccups and get frustrated, but we can still get over it and return to the task at hand
It’s showing the ability to ask for help. Self-regulation doesn’t mean that children are completely left on their own to deal with their emotions, rather they have a constructive set of tools and strategies to help deal with them. Teaching our kids to ask for help is one of those strategies
Teaching sharing and cooperation during play
This is an ongoing and often arduous task that takes years and years of input but don’t give up - your efforts will pay off!
Giving Choice
Children ultimately want to be in control of their environment. So much of their lives are dictated to them and for them so allowing them to choose what they want to play with is a great start. If they are happy with what toy or game they’ve chosen, they will be more likely to cooperate during the activity. So,during play, allowing them to choose activities or steer direction of play “Do you want to play with the puzzle first or the magformers?” “After your turn, who should have a turn next - Mommy or Daddy?”
Using First, Next/Then Statements
Using first/next language prepares children for what’s coming up and it will make them more likely to comply with a request if it comes with a bit of a warning rather than a surprise. “First Myka is going to do some drawing and then Mommy is going to add to it” or “Who should drive the car down the ramp first? Saul or Daddy? Ok first Saul will drive it and then it’s Daddy’s turn.” Giving a heads up to what will be coming next is helpful for children to learn to regulate their emotions.
Using Simple Language and Practice, Practice, Practice!
Encourage turn-taking and sharing with simple language like “my turn, your turn” or “Mommy’s turn, Claire’s turn”. Younger children don’t have the cognitive capacity to listen to a long-winded explanation about sharing, especially if they may be getting into a heightened emotional state. So best to use simple, short and consistent phrases that they understand. Modelling these strategies over and over will help reinforce these concepts. Practice makes permanent.
Engaging in Imaginative/Pretend Play
Imaginative play is a GREAT way to act out real-life social and emotional scenes in a safe and fun environment (while stealthily teaching cooperation skills!). Role play situations that they are interested and engaged in. The kitchen/cooking/restaurant is generally a popular role play scenario - kids love acting out things that are familiar to them. In these types of scenarios, you can play out patience (waiting your turn to be seated at the table if you’re pretending you’re in a restaurant for example), making choices and turn taking (ordering your food), dealing with disappointment (“I’m sorry James, we don’t have any more hamburgers today, can you choose something else?”, sharing (“If you’re really interested in the hamburger, you can ask Joe if he’ll share his and we can cut it in the middle”) and cooperation (“Oh dear, the dishwasher is broken in the kitchen - who can help me wash up the dishes in the sink?”).
Remember - self-regulation and cooperation are difficult and complex concepts to master! Be persistent, consistent and patient and they will eventually internalize it all.
Mary Wolff & Talia Shapero
Co-Founders, Smart Cookie Club
Visit The Smart Cookie Club online for more info about play based learning!
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